Jay's Joke Corner

Jay Bukai · 11-03-2008, 11:35 AM

I thought it would be cool too have something like a Joke Corner and collecting some good jokes if you feel me. Everytime making a thread for a random joke is just a waste if u aske me. Just post some good jokes in here. Time to Time I will post some good ones too.
LETZ KICK IT AND SHARE SOME LAUGHS

Here I some random ones:

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Some Random Jokes told from my uncle on my last B-day party X_X

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the stars and tell me, what do you see?" Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars."
Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life."
And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

A woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?" The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: "Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight."

Shadow-Kun · 11-03-2008, 01:09 PM

In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???...)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????..)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???.....)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash!)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one: On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

xdarkcodex · 11-23-2008, 02:47 AM

lol nice jokes.i would add some if i had any.

Alex · 11-23-2008, 03:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shadow-Kun

In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap: \"Directions: Use like regular soap.\" (and that would be how???...)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: \"Serving suggestion: Defrost.\" (but, it's \"just\" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): \"Do not turn upside down.\" (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: \"Product will be hot after heating.\" (...and you thought????..)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: \"Do not iron clothes on body.\" (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:\"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.\" (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: \"Warning: May cause drowsiness.\" (and...I'm taking this because???.....)

On a Japanese food processor: \"Not to be used for the other use.\" (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: \"Warning: contains nuts.\" (talk about a news flash!)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: \"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.\" (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one: On a child's superman costume: \"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.\"

On a Swedish chainsaw: \"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.\" (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

OMFG the last one!!!!! xD

Sorah · 12-11-2008, 08:13 AM

Thx guys those made me laugh for a while ^^

Shy Guy · 12-14-2008, 07:25 PM

lol at how nobody here even made up their own jokes.

Jay Bukai · 12-17-2008, 01:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shy Guy

lol at how nobody here even made up their own jokes.

Well nobody really has own jokes they are always stealed from somewhere....
Come make a joke

itsygo · 12-17-2008, 02:27 PM

well here's an old joke:
there's a typical family here: a dad, a mom, son, daughter,and a cat. one day the woman goes to the doctor and ask " hey doctor, my husband and i haven't been engaging in sexual acts as of late.. got anything to help my husband get into the mood? he replies," slip one of these in his coffee and enjoy

"

so the women goes home, and the next day slips a pill into his coffee. the man returns from work horny. and they have a great night...

last night acts awoke the woman's urges , so she thought "if i add two pill will the sex be that much better?" she adds 2 pills w/o giving a second thought. husband comes home and the sex was twice as good

by the third day she was saying for it. she add 1 two.. then says, " what the hell?" as see dumps the whole contain in the coffee.

about a week later the doctor calls, " hey sonny? how are things?" he boy picked up the phone and answered:

" BAD! My mom is dead, my sister is pregnant, my but hurt and my dad running around the house going: ' here kitty, kitty, kitty!' "

Possesd · 12-19-2008, 10:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by itsygo

well here's an old joke:
there's a typical family here: a dad, a mom, son, daughter,and a cat. one day the woman goes to the doctor and ask \" hey doctor, my husband and i haven't been engaging in sexual acts as of late.. got anything to help my husband get into the mood? he replies,\" slip one of these in his coffee and enjoy

\"

so the women goes home, and the next day slips a pill into his coffee. the man returns from work horny. and they have a great night...

last night acts awoke the woman's urges , so she thought \"if i add two pill will the sex be that much better?\" she adds 2 pills w/o giving a second thought. husband comes home and the sex was twice as good

by the third day she was saying for it. she add 1 two.. then says, \" what the hell?\" as see dumps the whole contain in the coffee.

about a week later the doctor calls, \" hey sonny? how are things?\" he boy picked up the phone and answered:

\" BAD! My mom is dead, my sister is pregnant, my but hurt and my dad running around the house going: ' here kitty, kitty, kitty!' \"

Wrong.. so very very wrong....

Shy Guy · 01-04-2009, 07:11 PM

OKAY, So I will prove that people can make their own jokes.

(Based off a true story)

Nie: SEI GUESS WUT
Sei: WOT
Nie: I R HAS 360
Sei: 360 DEGRESS COVERAGE ON YOUR TAMPON?!! NO WAI!!!
Nie: NU, BETR! XBOX 360!
Sei: NO WAI!
Nie: YAH NAO HELP ME PICK OUT A GAME
Sei: LAST REMNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111
Nie: WHUS DAT
Sei: BASICALLY KINGDOM HEARTS WITHOUT DISNEY AND M-RATED.
Sei: SO, BASICALLY KH WITHOUT THE FAIL.

11-03-2008, 11:35 AM	#1 (permalink)
Jay Bukai Populary Fame Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Pimp slapes Ishida =o Posts: 1,603 Blog Entries: 4	Jay's Joke Corner I thought it would be cool too have something like a Joke Corner and collecting some good jokes if you feel me. Everytime making a thread for a random joke is just a waste if u aske me. Just post some good jokes in here. Time to Time I will post some good ones too. LETZ KICK IT AND SHARE SOME LAUGHS *Here I some random ones: ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Some Random Jokes told from my uncle on my last B-day party X_X Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?" Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the stars and tell me, what do you see?" Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life." And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent." A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you." A woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?" The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: "Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight." __________________ Dun be a pussy Sasuke xD: Dude Pein already cleaned up Konoha Last edited by Jay Bukai; 01-04-2009 at 07:47 PM.*

11-03-2008, 01:09 PM	#2 (permalink)
Shadow-Kun TheN ThERe WIlL Be caKe.. Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: definitely not under your skirt O.O Posts: 2,192	In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods: On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair). On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?) On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???...) On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion). On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)! On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????..) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?) On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.) On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???.....) On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.) On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash!) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?) I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one: On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?) __________________ Thanks darkninja

12-17-2008, 02:27 PM	#8 (permalink)
itsygo This is the way I pray. Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Hueco Mundo Posts: 990 Blog Entries: 2	well here's an old joke: there's a typical family here: a dad, a mom, son, daughter,and a cat. one day the woman goes to the doctor and ask " hey doctor, my husband and i haven't been engaging in sexual acts as of late.. got anything to help my husband get into the mood? he replies," slip one of these in his coffee and enjoy " so the women goes home, and the next day slips a pill into his coffee. the man returns from work horny. and they have a great night... last night acts awoke the woman's urges , so she thought "if i add two pill will the sex be that much better?" she adds 2 pills w/o giving a second thought. husband comes home and the sex was twice as good by the third day she was saying for it. she add 1 two.. then says, " what the hell?" as see dumps the whole contain in the coffee. about a week later the doctor calls, " hey sonny? how are things?" he boy picked up the phone and answered: " BAD! My mom is dead, my sister is pregnant, my but hurt and my dad running around the house going: ' here kitty, kitty, kitty!' " __________________ boom goes the dynamite

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11-23-2008, 02:47 AM	#3 (permalink)
xdarkcodex Academy Student Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: somewhere of course Posts: 82	lol nice jokes.i would add some if i had any.

12-11-2008, 08:13 AM	#5 (permalink)
Sorah Legendary Sannin Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Everywhere and Nowhere Posts: 21	Thx guys those made me laugh for a while ^^

12-14-2008, 07:25 PM	#6 (permalink)
Shy Guy Kage Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 6,360 Blog Entries: 3	lol at how nobody here even made up their own jokes.

01-04-2009, 07:11 PM	#10 (permalink)
Shy Guy Kage Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 6,360 Blog Entries: 3	OKAY, So I will prove that people can make their own jokes. (Based off a true story) Nie: SEI GUESS WUT Sei: WOT Nie: I R HAS 360 Sei: 360 DEGRESS COVERAGE ON YOUR TAMPON?!! NO WAI!!! Nie: NU, BETR! XBOX 360! Sei: NO WAI! Nie: YAH NAO HELP ME PICK OUT A GAME Sei: LAST REMNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111 Nie: WHUS DAT Sei: BASICALLY KINGDOM HEARTS WITHOUT DISNEY AND M-RATED. Sei: SO, BASICALLY KH WITHOUT THE FAIL.